Double D Stories
by sneakylittlebrother
Summary: Stories about Double-D and his family. Chapter 4 is hilarious!
1. Opposites attract

I don't own Double-D or Maxwell. I do own Emily, because I made her up.  
  
Story 1: Opposites Attract  
  
A tiny boy with gangrene stumbled in the hallway of Peach Creek Elementary.  
"Please present me with my optical-correcting lenses!" he hollered at a couple of bullies.  
"Come and get them, you green freak!" they mocked. Then one of them threw the glasses in the trash. Everyone laughed at tiny Maxwell Maxwell as he tried to reach the top of the bucket. Then the bullies picked him up and threw him in the trash, too.  
"Whoops!" one said, "I guess I thought you were a gum wrapper!" Everyone was screaming in laughter and they walked away. Life was always like this for Maxwell as a kid, because he had an I.Q. of 204, had gangrene, was incredibly weak, and was 1 foot 10 inches tall. However, after getting married, he became very successful, being the father of Double-D, inventing the cloning machine, and more. In fact, he appeared in a T.V. episode, Send in the Clones, which was a Johnny Bravo episode. The only one who kept him company was his pet gerbil, Edward, whom he used for science experiments.  
Meanwhile, a lonely girl was being teased by other bullies. "Pop quiz, what's 7 times 6, dumbo!" the bully asked. Emily Powers thought for a moment, then asked, "uhhh.76?"  
Everyone screamed in laughter and walked away. Life was always like this for Emily as a kid, because she had an I.Q. of 71, had a bad attitude, was incredibly strong, and was 7 feet 5 inches tall. However, after getting married, she became very successful, being the mother of Double-D, earning the Miss Powerful award, and more. The only one who kept her company was her pet elephant, Edwina, whom she exercised with.  
One day, Maxwell was thrown in the garbage three times, got a 153% on his math quiz, and was given five swirlies. Then, it was his least favorite class, gym. Even worse, it was the fitness exam, the perfect time for him to be embarrassed. Luckily, everyone in the school was taking it at the same time. On his exam, Maxwell did 0 pushups, 0 sit-ups, 0 curls, ran a mile in over two hours, long jumped three inches, and 0 feet on the shot-put (He couldn't pick it up). It was then he saw Emily. She did the shot put right after him and he noticed her beautiful long red hair. He continued to watch her as she picked up the shot put as if it were Styrofoam, and throw it clear over the horizon. He felt himself blush. Maxwell thought, "I could use her fitness training after we marry!" He then got out his object-receiver and pointed it to Emily's exam results. All the sudden, the clipboard zoomed toward Maxwell and hit him in the nose. He rubbed the pain away as he read the exam results. It said she did over a thousand one-handed pushups, just under twenty thousand sit-ups, about six hundred curls, ran a mile in 4 minutes 24 seconds, jumped 54 feet 7 inches and threw the shot put over twenty miles. "She's perfect!" Maxwell thought. Maxwell was too shy to talk to Emily, so all he did was watch her sporting events and stare at her. She was on every sports team in Peach Creek Elementary, and the only one on each team. Even so, she routed every team from every other school all by herself. One thing Maxwell didn't understand is that Emily always looked very sad whenever he saw her not playing sports. He couldn't understand how a girl with such talent as her could be sad about anything. So, during lunch one day, Maxwell summed up his courage and walked up to her table. Emily sat all by herself, which shocked the boy; he would've thought that she would have friends seeing how talented she was. Finally, after staring at Emily eating countless hamburgers for what seemed like hours, Maxwell asked his question, "What's the matter, Emily?" He never would have guessed what he heard next.  
"I don't know, I guess its because kids tease me about my smartness, because I get F's." She sadly answered. Maxwell's beady eyes lit up.  
"First of all, its 'intelligence', not 'smartness'," he explained, "Second, I think we can help each other here: I'm the smartest and weakest kid in school, and you're.uh.not the smartest kid in school and you're the strongest kid in school!" Emily asked, "So, what are you getting to here?" Maxwell answered, "I can tutor you, and you can train me!"  
Emily agreed to Maxwell's proposal, and everything went uphill for their relationship. Even though his complicated theorems and her rigorous training programs didn't help either of them one bit, they still had fun times together and learned about each other a lot. Since then, no one teased them, because Emily would punch anyone who teased Maxwell about his wimpiness too far to measure, and Maxwell would outsmart anyone who mocked Emily's intelligence. When they went to high school, Maxwell invented a hologram projector so they could talk to each other, so they weren't lonely. As soon as Maxwell finished eight years of college, they married. A few years later, something else happened. 


	2. Double Trouble

I don't own Double-D or Mr. Maxwell. I do own Edwina and Mrs. Maxwell.  
  
Chapter 2: Double Trouble  
By Sneakylittlebrother  
  
"Push!" said the doctor. There was a grunting sound.  
"Push!" he said again as he and his assistant had trouble pushing Mrs. Maxwell's 600 pounds to the baby room. There were two infants in her hands, one boy and one girl. The Maxwells agreed to name their children after their recently deceased pets, Edward after the hamster and Edwina after the elephant. As he was being slowly pushed, Edward couldn't help but wonder what was the meaning of life.  
"Edwina?" he asked politely in his baby talk, "Are you wondering about the meaning of life?"  
"No," was her simple response, but young Edward still kept that question in the back of his mind  
  
For two years, the Maxwells couldn't have been happier, even though it left Mr. Maxwell no time to work in his lab, nor any time for Mrs. Maxwell to travel abroad. This all changed at Edward's second birthday.  
  
A huge white cake stood before the two-year-old Edward and Edwina, who now looked very different. Edwina had lots of red hair and noticeable muscles, while Edward was skinny and was bald except for three hairs at the back of his head. They also found out that they could communicate telepathically with each other as long as they were pretty close to each other, which they normally were. Edward also found the meaning of life, to know as much about it as he can in one lifetime. That was why he made a resolution that day to learn how to read. Then he tried to blow out his candles, but couldn't. Edwina blew all four out in one blow.  
  
Later that night, the Eds talked, like they did every night, since they slept in the same crib.  
"What's weading, Edwad?" Edwina asked. She just learned how to talk.  
"Reading is when someone.hey wait a minute, you read my mind again!" he said, "And your birthday wish was to be big, like mother, right?"  
"Yes," she answered, "What,s weading?!" She held out a fist.  
Edward panicked for a bit, then answered, "Reading is when someone looks at symbols, called letters, and understands what is says." Edwina was confused.  
  
The next morning, Mr. Maxwell was ecstatic when he saw Edward reading.  
"Look, Emily!" he squealed, "Edward's reading! Edward's reading!"  
The young boy held a book, entitled Quantum Physics for Young Prodigies, and was reading it to Edwina.  
"According to Einstein's theory of relativity, light and time are closely related. If a person goes at approximately the speed of light, which is over 160 thousand miles per second, everything he sees will have slowed down. People observing him will think he's slowed down. This is because the faster you go, the slower time moves. Fascinating."  
"What's a mile, a second, a theery, a einshtien, a thousand, 160, observing, and fashinating?" Edwina asked. Edward sighed, "I'm surrounded by idiots."  
  
Later that day, Edward's father asked him to meet with him alone.  
"Your mother and I decided that, now that you can read, Edward, you can take care of yourself and your sister all by yourself, so we can do our own work.  
Edward was confused. "How am I supposed to know what to do, father; I'm only two?" he asked.  
"Easy," he replied, "We'll place sticky notes all over the house telling you what to do. We decided to do this now because you can now read the sticky notes. I'm counting on you, Edward."  
  
Later that night, something awful happened. There was a thunderstorm outside, and Edward was shivering like mad.  
"Why are you shi-shi-shi-ver-ing?" Edwina asked, trying a new word she learned recently. She wasn't afraid of anything.  
Edward answered, "Because lightning is very dangerous," Then, he discovered that no one was listening to him. Edwina suddenly vanished! He looked everywhere in the crib for his sister, but she wasn't there. Next morning, their father discovered that Edwina was missing. He placed flyers all over the cul-de-sac in hopes that someone found his daughter. No one ever did. The three Maxwells cried about her for over a year, until Edward had something else on his mind: preschool. 


	3. Of Hats and Preschool

Chapter 3: Of Hats and Preschool  
  
A three-and-a half-year-old Edward was looking at the pictures of his soon- to-be classmates.  
"Jonny 2x4, Edward Bad, Edward Dimm, Nazz Smith, and Kevin Williams," Edward read, among others. Then, he realized something. Everyone had hair on top of their heads, while he had a shiny, bald head, like his father, except for those three hairs on the back of his neck, and the fact that he did not have gangrene.  
"Father?" Edward asked politely as his father was working in his lab. Mr. Maxwell jumped up, startled, before he realized that it was simply his son behind him.  
"You know I don't like it when you interrupt my work, but what is it, son," he asked.  
Later, Edward and his father reached a store called Peach Creek Hats, and Mr. Maxwell parked his brainwave-powered scooter right in front of it.  
"Why hello there, Mr. Maxwell!" said the owner of the store, a burly man with an Australian accent, "How shall I serve you today?"  
"Well, Mr. Buffer," Maxwell shifted uncomfortably, "My son, Edward, needs a hat before tomorrow, his first day of school, because he's bald, and is embarrassed by it."  
"No prob!" said Mr. Buffer, "I'll find his perfect match! And with that, he strode Edward into the hat-trying room.  
Mr. Buffer looked upon rows and rows of hats, all different colors, shapes, and sizes. He stood in deep thought for a long time before finally deciding on a big, blue cap.  
"Here ya go!" he said as he put the cap on Edward.  
"I can't see!" he yelped as he crashed into a wall. The cap covered his eyes.  
"Nope, this won't do!" Mr. Buffer decided as he reached for another hat, a small, red fez. However, it didn't cover Edward's baldhead entirely, so he wanted another one. Mr. Buffer then gave him a pink sleeping cap, which he refused immediately. The next one was too heavy, the one after that was too loud, another one was really itchy, and the next one had lice in it. One by one, the hats were thrown in a failed pile, which steadily grew larger and larger. Finally, there was but a single hat left.  
Mr. Buffer sighed, "I guess there's no hat that works for ya, Edward, you can go home now. That last hat, nobody will take, so its not worth tryin'." With that, the man cried and ran out of the building. Edward felt sorry for Mr. Buffer for a while, then realized that the last hat is worth a shot. He stood on his tip- toes and could just barely reach the black hat, which strangely looked like a sock. He fitted the sock-hat on his head, and suddenly felt a cozy warmness. It was perfect! From that moment on, Edward never took that hat of for any reason.  
For the first time in his life, Edward was excited to go to school, now that he had a perfect hat to cover his baldhead. He skipped his way to Peach Creek Elementary while singing famous classical masterpieces. When he entered the building, however, his smile dropped.  
"Heya, dork! What's up with the stupid hat?" mocked a red haired kid with a red cap as he pedaled on his tricycle and noticed Edward.  
"Its my comfy hat!" he exclaimed. The kid just laughed. Meanwhile, Edward also noticed a blonde girl playing with a make-up set, a boy with a big head talking to a board of wood, and two more boys trying to construct something with blocks. Edward decided to join them.  
"Hello there!" he said happily as he joined the two boys at the corner, "My name's Edward, what's yours'?"  
"Buttered toast!" yelled the tall boy, then the short boy slapped him.  
"Ed! He asked for your name!" he said angrily. Then he noticed Edward.  
"Welcome to Ed's block store! Only five cents per block!"  
Edward stared dumbfound, then said, "You're Edward, too?" Then he remembered the pictures.  
"You're both Edwards? How intriguing!"  
Ed and Eddy stared at Edward for his use of "intriguing", and then Eddy answered, "Well, yeah, but we call him Ed," he pointed to the tall boy, "and I'm Eddy. However, Edward won't cut it."  
"What do you mean?" Edward asked.  
"I mean, Edward sounds dorky," Eddy answered, "You need a nickname, like us, except different." Ed raised his hand and said, "Ooh, ooh, me me! I know a good name! How about Double-D?"  
"Naah," said Eddy, "Just let me think for a second."  
"I've got a better one; Double-D!" Ed said, "Or how about Double-D, or Double-D, or."  
"FINE!!!" Eddy screamed, "We'll call him Double-D, just shut up, Ed!"  
And for that day forward, Edward was called Double-D. 


	4. Show and Tell of Doom!

Oops! I forgot the disclaimer on chapter 3. Anyway, so far I only own Mrs. Maxwell, Edwina, Mr. Buffer, Mrs. Happy, and everyone's last names.  
  
Chapter 4: Show and Tell of Doom!  
  
Double-D. It had a nice ring to it, but it just didn't seem right to him. However, it was his new name at preschool, since Ed told everyone that Edward wanted to be called Double-D.  
"Double-D, would you like to go first at Show and Tell?" Double-D jumped a foot before realizing it was just his preschool teacher, Mrs. Happy, speaking.  
"Um.sure." He said as he stumbled to the front of the room.  
"W-W-Well, I-I've got.um.oh yeah, a new invention, a miniature nuclear reactor!" Double-D said proudly as he showed an intricate-looking device made out of common household items. Ed and Eddy had two different reactions to this: Eddy thought about how Double-D would be great for helping with scams, and Ed, well, was stupid.  
"Oooooh! What do these buttons do?" Ed asked as he pressed random buttons at high speed on the reactor.  
Double-D was shocked. "NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO, ED!" he yelled, but it was too late. The nuclear reactor exploded, leaving the school in ruins and everyone had a strange green glow to them.  
Later, when the school was fixed, Mrs. Happy asked, "Would you like to go next, Ed?"  
"Yah!" he answered and rushed up to the stage. "This is my baby sister, Sarah! Say hi to everyone, Sarah!"  
Everyone awed at the cute, three-month-old with red hair until she attacked! She grasped Ed's lips and threw him at everyone else, destroying the school again.  
After the school was fixed again, Mrs. Happy wasn't very happy anymore. Those two rebuildings cost her half of her money and her liver was destroyed by radiation.  
"Okay, would Kevin please come up?" she asked with a clenched smile.  
  
Kevin happily skipped to the front of the classroom and took a big bike from his back.  
"This is my new bike!" he exclaimed, leaning towards Nazz, "Its got 10 gears, and I can ride it indoors!" Then, Kevin started to ride his bike in the school, knocking of desks and toddlers, until the flimsily-built school was destroyed AGAIN!  
"Grrrrrr, how many times can someone destroy a school!" the construction worker asked Mrs. Happy as he fixed the school AGAIN.  
Later, in the classroom, Mrs. Happy said angrily, "Nazz, you're next!"  
The blonde girl trotted to the front of the room and announced, "I brought my Tuba!" Then, she blew into it reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllllly loudly and the school collapsed.  
"She plays so beautifully." All the boys said.  
Mrs. Happy was now wearing rags and looked very malnourished, since she had no money left to pay the very rich construction workers.  
"Eddy, get up there before I hit that desk on my head!" she screamed.  
"Geez, calm down," said Eddy, "Well, anyway, I brought my deluxe thieving kit, which was a birthday gift from my brother. He then showed the class a laser.  
"This is the laser, it."  
"Attack the wibble!" Ed suddenly yelled and started chewing the laser, which set it to maximum power and it destroyed the school.  
"Sneakylittlebrother! Stop destroying my preschool!  
Sorry, Mrs. Happy, but it is funny!  
Well, anyway, now Mrs. Happy pulled out all of her hair, had only garments on that would raise the rating of this fic if they weren't there, and was hitting herself on her head constantly.  
"Okay-bonk-Jonny-bonk-its-bonk-your-bonk-turn-bonk-!  
"Okee dokee!" he said and ran to the front of the room with his best friend, Plank.  
"This is my lunch, a pizza!" Jonny exclaimed as he took a pizza out of his pocket.  
"PPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAA! YUM YUM YUM!" Ed yelled and he tried to grab Jonny's pizza. Both boys pulled and pulled on the pizza until the whole thing splattered on every nook and cranny of the classroom.  
"Well at least the school didn't collapse!" said Mrs. Happy happily. Then, the school collapsed.  
"Bye-bye, Mrs. Happy!" the kids chorused as a mental ambulance drove away with an insane Mrs. Happy strapped in.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed as she tied her tongue in knots and tried to eat her toes and fingers. Now, the Peach Creek kids needed a new teacher. 


End file.
